Why I'm Never Having Children

This story starts with a cute, adorable little one year old named Cooper. Cooper is adorable but weighs 35 lbs; he is just solid not fat by any means. Now Cooper is a very easy baby to watch. He usually just plays on his own and rarely fusses. Yesterday, however, this all changed.

As I was working on my paper for school a funny smell drifted my way. I automatically recognized this smell; it was a poopy diaper. I got Cooper to climb up the steps to his room where the changing table is located. I then carried him to the table and lifted him in. At this moment I thought my side felt very,very warm from his diaper. I thought "wow this is probably a really full diaper." As I laid him on the changing table, to my horror I discovered that the warmth I felt was his poop squishing out of his diaper onto my shirt. I thought I was going to vomit! Luckily I always wear an undershirt so I just took off my t-shirt. Then I noticed that there was poop all the way up his back, all over his stomach, and about 100 lbs of it in his diaper. As I was trying to get his diaper off he decided it would be appropriate to kick his feet into the poop and stick his hands in it. So with poop all over me, him, and the changing table I decided that the bathtub would be better for this type of disaster. I carried him into the bathroom (trying desperately not to get anymore poop on me) and placed him in the bathtub. He began to scream and ran out of the bathroom (keep in mind he has poop on his feet). So now I have a poopy kid who has got poop all over their bedroom carpet! With more struggling I get him back into the bathtub and after about 50 wet wipes he is clean. Then I look up at his face and what do I see...I big glob of poop right on top of his head! I have no idea how that got there! After I cleaned his hair..we got a diaper and were finished!

That story is why I am never having children. I thought at one point I might just sit on the floor and cry about how much poop was everywhere. Luckily the mom thought it was as funny as I did after the event was over.